i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
