I saw his package. It spoke to me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
