I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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