he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
