you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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