Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
