i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
