So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
