I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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