I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
