??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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