Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
