Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
