those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize