We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
