i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
