I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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