based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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