Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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