i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
