What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
