Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
