I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
