I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
