I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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