i always forget guys have bellybuttons
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
