Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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