The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
