i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
