I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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