I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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