I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
