I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
