What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
