shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
