so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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