We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
