My nipple is on Facebook.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
