She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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