i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
