The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
