All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize