All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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