apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
