Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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