This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
