just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
