Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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