So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
