Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
