i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize