the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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