Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
