Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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