No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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