SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
