She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You are a genius and a whore.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize