I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
