70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize