Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
