Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Farmville is her only friend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
