when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
