girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize