am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sext me about skeletons
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
