I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
