Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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