sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
