you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
