what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just cropdusted the office
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
