I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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