the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
40s are totally the cure
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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