now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why do cheetos always look like penises
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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