did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
