Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
