apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
