I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
